Heroin and a suicide attempt - God set me free....
I was born in Paris, my father is Algerian and my mother is French. When I was 15 years old, my mother wanted to change her life. She sent me to live with my father, with whom I had only ever had a very problematic and strained relationship. He drank often and a lot and then became very violent. In this unloving environment, I took refuge in drugs to numb my mental pain. I started smoking marijuana regularly.
One day my father noticed that I was disobeying him and he threatened to kill me. He was intoxicated and I knew he was capable of doing it. I therefore ran away from home and was on my own from that time on. I ended up in the drug milieu and the use of drugs became my daily bread.
When I was 17, I moved in with my boyfriend. I hoped that with him I could find a new stability and security in my life. That didn't work out for long. I made a big mistake and came into contact with heroin. At first I tried it just out of curiosity, but it only lasted two months and I was hooked, I was hooked on the syringe.
I became a criminal to be able to finance my heroin consumption. I committed burglaries, trafficked drugs and organised money through counterfeiting. My struggle for survival in the drug milieu had made me strong. I believed I was invincible, especially with my 8mm pistol in my belt.
Gradually, however, I lost all control over my life. All that mattered to me was my daily dose of heroin. I sank lower and lower, my life was soon just one big lie. Of course, I wanted to regain control over my life. I tried several times to get off drugs with the help of medication. I even went to rehab, this lasted 8 months. When I finished rehab, I believed that I had now beaten my addiction. But my problem was that I no longer had a proper home and I returned to my old milieu. It didn't take long before I relapsed. The difficult 8 months of withdrawal were in vain.....
I was completely desperate and felt I would never get off this drug again. I decided to put an end to my life. I wanted to kill myself in the night, before my boyfriend woke up and noticed anything.
I tried different ways to kill myself, but nothing worked. Finally, in desperation, I slit my wrists and stabbed myself in the heart.
I woke up in the army hospital where I had been admitted. There were tubes all over me. I was then told by the doctor, Prof. Dr. Rene Jancovici, that I had undergone open-heart surgery. This was because of the stab wound to my left ventricle. I had also suffered several cardiac arrests, some of which lasted longer than 20 minutes. The doctors had to operate on me without anaesthesia because I was so full of drugs.
I was in a coma for a total of one month. The doctors thought I would never come out of it. When I did come out of it after a month, I was the miracle of the hospital. Unfortunately, I was still addicted to heroin.
One of my cousins visited me and told me about the love of God. But I did not believe her. She also invited me to a church, but I didn't want to go with her.
One day she invited me to a Christian meeting in Holland. I accepted this invitation because I hoped to be able to get marijuana again in Holland. At this meeting I had a conversation with a friend of my cousin. He wanted to convince me that God really exists and that he loves us. I told him that he was only wasting his time by believing in God. Faith was only an invention for the weak who are not be able to face real life. I felt sorry for him - even though I was the drug addict! The Bible was just an old book to me. I had never read it. I then asked him a few questions, I wanted to provoke him so that I could then contradict him.
But twice, when he read me a passage from the Bible, I felt something strange in my heart, it was like a stab. I was scared because my operation was not long over but this strange feeling persisted. It was really very strange....... I didn't tell anyone about it, but this experience made me think a lot.
My cousin's friend told me that if I wanted to know if God really existed, I would have to have my own experience of him. When I got back to Paris, I wanted to check it out. So I started talking to Jesus, who I had been told died for my sins. I took stock of my life, and there were things in it that I really wasn't proud of. Although I had no idea what God considered important in our lives, I realised that my life had not really been positive so far.
Being curious, I waited to see if something would happen. Then I had the best idea of my life. Since drugs had been the most important thing in my life so far, I told God, "If you free me from my addiction, then I will believe in you and follow you!"
No sooner had I said this than I felt such a deep peace, love and sensations within me that were completely new to me. It was a feeling of a beauty and intensity that I had never experienced before with drugs. It was supernatural, yet very concrete.
At that moment I realised that Jesus is very much alive. I suddenly understood that until now I had only ever tried to find something with drugs that only God can give - and he gives it for free! At the same time, I felt that I was suddenly free from my addiction that had held me captive for so long. I felt at that moment that I would never need drugs or cigarettes again. I was finally free, really free. Indeed, I did not experience the slightest withdrawal symptom either.
I started training again on the back of this experience and found a job and a place to live. I forgave my parents and reconnected with my family.
Now I know that Jesus loves me - not like a man loves you - and that I will never be alone again. I have found the meaning of life and tasted life. This is the best experience I have ever had.
Later I found out that my cousin had been praying for my conversion for six years. God heard her and saved me.
I am happy to share my story with you. Because I discovered God who changed my life completely. And I want to tell you that nothing is impossible for God. You too can have your own experience and you will see....
Note from the webmaster:
Sabrina Kebli has summarised her experiences in a book. It has the title: Ligne blanche.