Jeanette / Deutschland
Jeanette Tischler

Just saved from death after abuse and severe anorexia

My father had a severe alcohol problem and  had, as a result, abused me for many years. He broke my ability to trust and especially my ability to trust in men.

Then, from about the age of eleven, I began to suffer from eating disorders.  At the age of 22,  after years of severe anorexia, I finally weighed less than 28 kilos.  My body was covered in bruises and self-harm marks. I didn't want to live anymore. I had three failed suicide attempts behind me, as well as several hospital stays and psychotherapies.

My family was just waiting for me to die. I had also given up on myself. Dying seemed to be the only solution in the fight against myself. I was hurt, broken, full of self-loathing, helplessness and sadness. I had no foundation on which I wanted or could continue to live my life.

When I could no longer keep food down and my organs, especially my kidneys  and liver, no longer functioned properly, the doctors declared that I was "out of therapy", which means "she will never get better". My health insurance no longer wanted to pay for any more therapy. As I was leaving  the clinic, the doctor told me: "You will either die now or experience a miracle."

I was desperate. On the way home, all I could do in the car was pray:

"If you do not intervene now, God,  then I ask you now that I may finally fall asleep and that I no longer have to go on living, and that the fighting against myself comes to an end. But if you are really a God who can be experienced and who wants to be close to me, then I ask you now for a miracle!"

Then the following night I had a very special and distinctly lucid dream: a man came into my room and asked me to, "Kneel down." Then he took a bottle of the finest rose oil, poured it over my head, and said, "Jeanette, get up. For God wants to and will heal you. And you shall be a blessing to others!"

I awoke at this and prayed, "God, if you have just spoken to me now, let me experience you healing me and giving me a life that is worth living and has a foundation! Jesus, please heal me!"

The next day I felt in my weak heart the incredible certainty that God was going to heal me. 

Shortly afterwards, a family called us who had heard about my fate in a roundabout way. I was invited to move in with them for a few days, even at the risk of dying with them.

I accepted this offer and felt quite comfortable with them. But despite counselling,  talks and meals, nothing  improved. My body was too worn and emaciated from 11 years of eating disorders and self-harm.

After a few days, the people that I was living  with had the inspiration to encourage me out for a walk. As I walked I unexpectedly passed a simple wooden cross. It was as if God opened my eyes. For the first time I understood what Jesus had done for me on the cross. Everything I had known and heard about so often really touched my heart for the first time. All at once I realised that Jesus was the solution for my life! I could no longer hold back my tears. Jesus bore on the cross all that I had done to myself and all that others had done to me.

I prayed: "Jesus if you really exist and if you are a God who wanted me and loves me, please help me! Come into my life - I have nothing more to give than my little life!"

I poured out my heart to him and asked him where he had been throughout  all the years of my suffering and why he had allowed so much to happen. After that I became very calm and felt a deep peace in my heart. I suddenly got the certainty that God loves me, that he did want me and that he will stay with me no matter what.

The healing process that followed was not easy. For years I had suppressed the abuse by my father as well as my despair that my mother had left me alone with it. But God uncovered everything and healed me in body and soul. I was able to forgive and become completely free. My image of God also changed. I came to know God as a loving, faithful and perfect Father, as a best friend.

God then placed people by my side who accepted and encouraged me. Since then, I have experienced again and again how much God cares for me. Even in crises and challenges, I feel that God carries me, helps me and is for me!

Today I am married to a wonderful man with whom I can share my life. And I am amazed at the miracles God has done and continues to do.